1. “Ayt”— Because you’re not black, and you’re not a total idiot. And don’t think for one second you’re cute.
2. “Aylavet”— It’s like Kris Aquino— tolerable on the computer monitor and the cellphone screen but irritating when heard. This takes on a heightened level of annoyance when the speaker animates the expression by prolonging the last syllable. At which point I summon all my powers of restraint to stop strangling speaker with my bare hands. Especially when said speaker happens to be a red-blooded male.
3. “Meh ganun?” - Because the radio station Energy FM 91.5 is among the best reasons for avoiding public transport.
4. “Elow po”— With the optional “poh.” Indicates that the speaker is either a 14-year-old girl who has a pink-wallpapered Friendster account or just a complete dumbass.
5. “Chorva”— Because in 1574 God invented the dictionary. Two and a half months before that, God invented the human brain, which he intended for complex systems of operations like logic, reasoning, analysis, and language. Which means, God did not want all his creatures to speak like they worked the night shift at Reyes Haircutters. If he did, we’d all have naturally bleached, over-gelled hair. That, plus perennially raised collars.
6. “Nownah”— Which is “now na” pulled down to unfathomably moronic depths, but is actually persuasive in specific instances. E.g. “I will bludgeon you until you’re comatose, you stupid idiot. When? Nownah.”
7. “Ayuz”— The bigger schmuck, however, is that record company dork behind Ayuz: The Compilation.
8. “Haller” — God’s way of telling us we’re not reading enough books.
9. “Text-text”— Indicates several things:
a. A certain appointment/ person is not important enough to merit an exact time and place.
b. “We’re so dumb we can’t even make up our minds about which restaurant. You’ll be late? It’s okay. I’ll be late, too.”
c. “Let’s play it by ear. Maybe I’ll feel lazy and I won’t be in the mood to see you.”
d. The improvisational nature of the Filipino temperament. Which is probably explains why we’re the mightiest, most efficient nation on the planet.
10. “OMG” — Marks the completion of our descent from human beings into ants.
11. “Hello, mam-sir”—For the past few years, a visit to the mall always made you feel like a hermaphrodite.
12. “Bonggang-bongga”— The entire point of culture is to move forward. “Bonggang bongga” throws us back to the dark days of disco, polyester pants, and Annie Batumbakal.
13. “Weh”—To paraphrase the title of the first Devo album from 1978: Q: Are we not men? A: We are goats.
14. “Eyeball”—A word that originally meant that “round mass of the eye within its bony socket” or “to stare at somebody or something intently” has come to mean “to meet up in person after significant flirting online.” Now, it just means to meet up. An innocent noun transmogrified into an equally innocent verb. But to me its effect is akin to corrugated iron sheets being ripped apart.
15. “Wer na u, dito na me”— It sounded cute the first time. So did “Ligo na u, lapit na me.”
16. “Mocha frap”—There is a scene in Ishmael Bernal’s Pagdating sa Dulo where Eddie Garcia blows his top after someone casually addressed him as “direk.” His outburst goes, (or something to this effect): “Kaya hindi umaasenso ang pelikulang Pilipino—mahilig sa shortcut!” Similarly, civilization will head nowhere if it does not stop putting toweringly silly pompadours of whipped cream on top of coffee.
17. “Dude”—As in, “Dude, where’s my brain?” Even Keanu and Ashton—no postmodern literary theoriticians themselves– have refused to look back at their benighted past.
18. “Gud pm”— Cellular technology is both Vishnu and Shiva combined into one efficient package: Monumental creator of relations, great destroyer of literacy.
19. “Ask ko lang”—Now you’d think this one merely belongs to the realm of SMS, where brevity and expediency are of the essence. But when people actually use the dang phrase in actual conversation, it becomes truly troubling. What’s next, “Tell ko lang po sa inyo?” And then what? Wait, do you hear that? That’s the sound of Lope K. Santos turning in his grave.
20. “Ingatz”—The only demographic allowed to use this is the same one that watches Bratz.
Source: LourdDeVeyra
2. “Aylavet”— It’s like Kris Aquino— tolerable on the computer monitor and the cellphone screen but irritating when heard. This takes on a heightened level of annoyance when the speaker animates the expression by prolonging the last syllable. At which point I summon all my powers of restraint to stop strangling speaker with my bare hands. Especially when said speaker happens to be a red-blooded male.
3. “Meh ganun?” - Because the radio station Energy FM 91.5 is among the best reasons for avoiding public transport.
4. “Elow po”— With the optional “poh.” Indicates that the speaker is either a 14-year-old girl who has a pink-wallpapered Friendster account or just a complete dumbass.
5. “Chorva”— Because in 1574 God invented the dictionary. Two and a half months before that, God invented the human brain, which he intended for complex systems of operations like logic, reasoning, analysis, and language. Which means, God did not want all his creatures to speak like they worked the night shift at Reyes Haircutters. If he did, we’d all have naturally bleached, over-gelled hair. That, plus perennially raised collars.
6. “Nownah”— Which is “now na” pulled down to unfathomably moronic depths, but is actually persuasive in specific instances. E.g. “I will bludgeon you until you’re comatose, you stupid idiot. When? Nownah.”
7. “Ayuz”— The bigger schmuck, however, is that record company dork behind Ayuz: The Compilation.
8. “Haller” — God’s way of telling us we’re not reading enough books.
9. “Text-text”— Indicates several things:
a. A certain appointment/ person is not important enough to merit an exact time and place.
b. “We’re so dumb we can’t even make up our minds about which restaurant. You’ll be late? It’s okay. I’ll be late, too.”
c. “Let’s play it by ear. Maybe I’ll feel lazy and I won’t be in the mood to see you.”
d. The improvisational nature of the Filipino temperament. Which is probably explains why we’re the mightiest, most efficient nation on the planet.
10. “OMG” — Marks the completion of our descent from human beings into ants.
11. “Hello, mam-sir”—For the past few years, a visit to the mall always made you feel like a hermaphrodite.
12. “Bonggang-bongga”— The entire point of culture is to move forward. “Bonggang bongga” throws us back to the dark days of disco, polyester pants, and Annie Batumbakal.
13. “Weh”—To paraphrase the title of the first Devo album from 1978: Q: Are we not men? A: We are goats.
14. “Eyeball”—A word that originally meant that “round mass of the eye within its bony socket” or “to stare at somebody or something intently” has come to mean “to meet up in person after significant flirting online.” Now, it just means to meet up. An innocent noun transmogrified into an equally innocent verb. But to me its effect is akin to corrugated iron sheets being ripped apart.
15. “Wer na u, dito na me”— It sounded cute the first time. So did “Ligo na u, lapit na me.”
16. “Mocha frap”—There is a scene in Ishmael Bernal’s Pagdating sa Dulo where Eddie Garcia blows his top after someone casually addressed him as “direk.” His outburst goes, (or something to this effect): “Kaya hindi umaasenso ang pelikulang Pilipino—mahilig sa shortcut!” Similarly, civilization will head nowhere if it does not stop putting toweringly silly pompadours of whipped cream on top of coffee.
17. “Dude”—As in, “Dude, where’s my brain?” Even Keanu and Ashton—no postmodern literary theoriticians themselves– have refused to look back at their benighted past.
18. “Gud pm”— Cellular technology is both Vishnu and Shiva combined into one efficient package: Monumental creator of relations, great destroyer of literacy.
19. “Ask ko lang”—Now you’d think this one merely belongs to the realm of SMS, where brevity and expediency are of the essence. But when people actually use the dang phrase in actual conversation, it becomes truly troubling. What’s next, “Tell ko lang po sa inyo?” And then what? Wait, do you hear that? That’s the sound of Lope K. Santos turning in his grave.
20. “Ingatz”—The only demographic allowed to use this is the same one that watches Bratz.
Source: LourdDeVeyra
