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20 Stupid Expressions That Must Die Soon

1. “Ayt”— Because you’re not black, and you’re not a total idiot. And don’t think for one second you’re cute.

2. “Aylavet”— It’s like Kris Aquino— tolerable on the computer monitor and the cellphone screen but irritating when heard. This takes on a heightened level of annoyance when the speaker animates the expression by prolonging the last syllable. At which point I summon all my powers of restraint to stop strangling speaker with my bare hands. Especially when said speaker happens to be a red-blooded male.

3. “Meh ganun?” - Because the radio station Energy FM 91.5 is among the best reasons for avoiding public transport.

4. “Elow po”— With the optional “poh.” Indicates that the speaker is either a 14-year-old girl who has a pink-wallpapered Friendster account or just a complete dumbass.

5. “Chorva”— Because in 1574 God invented the dictionary. Two and a half months before that, God invented the human brain, which he intended for complex systems of operations like logic, reasoning, analysis, and language. Which means, God did not want all his creatures to speak like they worked the night shift at Reyes Haircutters. If he did, we’d all have naturally bleached, over-gelled hair. That, plus perennially raised collars.

6. “Nownah”— Which is “now na” pulled down to unfathomably moronic depths, but is actually persuasive in specific instances. E.g. “I will bludgeon you until you’re comatose, you stupid idiot. When? Nownah.”

7. “Ayuz”— The bigger schmuck, however, is that record company dork behind Ayuz: The Compilation.

8. “Haller” — God’s way of telling us we’re not reading enough books.

9. “Text-text”— Indicates several things:

a. A certain appointment/ person is not important enough to merit an exact time and place.

b. “We’re so dumb we can’t even make up our minds about which restaurant. You’ll be late? It’s okay. I’ll be late, too.”

c. “Let’s play it by ear. Maybe I’ll feel lazy and I won’t be in the mood to see you.”

d. The improvisational nature of the Filipino temperament. Which is probably explains why we’re the mightiest, most efficient nation on the planet.

10. “OMG” — Marks the completion of our descent from human beings into ants.

11. “Hello, mam-sir”—For the past few years, a visit to the mall always made you feel like a hermaphrodite.

12. “Bonggang-bongga”— The entire point of culture is to move forward. “Bonggang bongga” throws us back to the dark days of disco, polyester pants, and Annie Batumbakal.

13. “Weh”—To paraphrase the title of the first Devo album from 1978: Q: Are we not men? A: We are goats.

14. “Eyeball”—A word that originally meant that “round mass of the eye within its bony socket” or “to stare at somebody or something intently” has come to mean “to meet up in person after significant flirting online.” Now, it just means to meet up. An innocent noun transmogrified into an equally innocent verb. But to me its effect is akin to corrugated iron sheets being ripped apart.

15. “Wer na u, dito na me”— It sounded cute the first time. So did “Ligo na u, lapit na me.”

16. “Mocha frap”—There is a scene in Ishmael Bernal’s Pagdating sa Dulo where Eddie Garcia blows his top after someone casually addressed him as “direk.” His outburst goes, (or something to this effect): “Kaya hindi umaasenso ang pelikulang Pilipino—mahilig sa shortcut!” Similarly, civilization will head nowhere if it does not stop putting toweringly silly pompadours of whipped cream on top of coffee.

17. “Dude”—As in, “Dude, where’s my brain?” Even Keanu and Ashton—no postmodern literary theoriticians themselves– have refused to look back at their benighted past.

18. “Gud pm”— Cellular technology is both Vishnu and Shiva combined into one efficient package: Monumental creator of relations, great destroyer of literacy.

19. “Ask ko lang”—Now you’d think this one merely belongs to the realm of SMS, where brevity and expediency are of the essence. But when people actually use the dang phrase in actual conversation, it becomes truly troubling. What’s next, “Tell ko lang po sa inyo?” And then what? Wait, do you hear that? That’s the sound of Lope K. Santos turning in his grave.

20. “Ingatz”—The only demographic allowed to use this is the same one that watches Bratz.

Source: LourdDeVeyra


25 First-Date Dos and Don’ts

By Lindsey Unterberger

We asked some of our favorite relationship writers for their advice on what you should wear, where you should go and which first-date faux pas you really should avoid. No need to thank us when you score that second date.

DON’T get ahead of yourself.


It’s OK to get excited before you go out with someone new, but stay realistic. As pessimistic as this sounds, if your expectations are low, then a good date will be a welcome surprise and a bad date will be no biggie. DearSugar

DO be open to unexpected date ideas.


A homemade meal, PBR and Guitar Hero might be a better way to get to know each other than the standard restaurant and a movie. Plus, are you really going to ask someone to take you out for filets, cocktails and the theater in this economy? —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish

DON’T go somewhere overflowing with eye candy.


A while ago I took a girl out to brunch at a restaurant that is always brimming with beautiful hipsters. Naturally, there was a Kate Hudson look-alike sitting behind my date, right in my line of vision. Even worse, she was wearing this crazy low-cut dress, and when she leaned forward I could see her entire breast—maintaining eye contact has never been more of a struggle. —Ryan Dodge, Single-ish

DO wear flats.


Although heels can be super sexy, you never know where a first date will lead you. I’ve been on first dates that ended with a lovely walk around town (hello, blisters!) or a visit to a neighborhood playground (tripping all over myself!). Flats will let you feel open to anything the night may bring. —Joanna Goddard, Smitten

DO wear sexy underwear.


Even if you don’t shed your clothes, your non-Hanes undies will give you confidence. Plus, if you do end up stripping down to your skivvies, you DON’T want to end up wearing granny panties a la Bridget Jones. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)

DO bring dental supplies with you.


I once ordered a shredded beef burrito and there was a string of meat stuck in my teeth. I would’ve excused myself to the bathroom to fix it, but I hadn’t brought my floss with me. So I sat there, not listening to him and going crazy. Now I bring mints, gum, spray, floss—everything. Seriously. Besides, you never know if you’ll want to make out. —Erin Meanley, Single-ish

DO call a friend for a pep talk.


If you’re suffering from first-date jitters, ring a friend for a few words of encouragement before you meet the guy. Before my first dates, you’d always find me in a cab on the phone with my mom, with her telling me the guy would be crazy not to adore me. Even though she had to say that (she is my mom), a few positive words made me walk into my date with confidence. —Joanna Goddard, Smitten

DON’T wear anything too sexy over the underwear.


You are not going to a club on a first date—we hope! So don’t dress in a way that inspires him to grind against you to Rihanna’s newest song. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)

DO Facebook him.


Try not to confuse what he tells you and what you read about him. If you run out of things to talk about, maybe mention a YouTube video that he has on his page. —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish

But DON’T let him know you’ve been Google-stalking him all week.


Look, we know that you’ve been investigating this guy online since you learned his last name. (We don’t blame you, and chances are he’s done the same to you.) But if you start in on his alma mater, favorite bands and how his hair looked in 2004 (that was found thanks to your mad skills at image searching), you are going to creep him out. Big-time. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)

DON’T drink and date.


One glass of wine is fine. Two or more could lead to sudden, instant and otherwise immediate death of a potential relationship. My friend Katherine is a smart and beautiful girl, but whenever she has a few drinks, she starts swearing like a sailor. If she were not a little tipsy, she would never talk so trashy. Guys are instantly turned off by her behavior, and she often wonders why first dates never turn into seconds. —Jess McCann, author of You Lost Him at Hello

DO have a positive attitude.


I tried to plan a really neat first date—something different. So I pick her up, and it’s cold out, and the restaurant I was going to take her to is closed. We’re in an abandoned area, and it’s cold; I’m not looking so good right now. Finally we find a place to eat, except the menu is all in Korean. We point to something and what comes out tastes like rubber chicken. Then, when we get to the bowling alley, it seems like we’re the only non-gang members there. But it was an amazing date because she was cool. Her positive attitude dictated how the date would go. —Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and author of Why You’re Still Single

DO order a big-girl meal.


Do you really think a puny salad will hold you over all night? The Frisky

DON’T question his height.


If he’s 5’10” on his driver’s license, and in his heart, suspend your disbelief. Feel free to store it for something to make fun of later. —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish

DO act interested in what he is saying.


No one wants to go on a first date with the human equivalent of a dead-fish handshake. If you don’t like where the date is headed, end it early. But if you are tired, hung over or depressed about the economic apocalypse, don’t let it affect your time together. Talk. Ask questions. Make eye contact. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)

DON’T turn your dates into therapy sessions.


My friend Isabel just had the worst year of her life: She had foreclosed on her house and was in serious debt. Whenever she was out with a guy, she would unload all her frustrations right on his plate! No one wants to hear you ramble on about your sick cat, annoying boss or stalker ex-boyfriend. If she was hoping for a second date, Isabel should’ve asked more questions and done more listening than talking. —Jess McCann, author of You Lost Him at Hello

On that note, DON’T psychoanalyze your date.


A guy once got all Freud on me and asked me if I had trouble getting close to men because of my relationship with my father. Totally inappropriate, considering we’d just met. The Frisky

But DON’T get too personal.


One woman on our message boards reminisced about a guy who asked her how many kids she wanted. “I’m hoping for at least one little girl,” he added. Sweet…yet a tad premature. Another woman wanted to know if it was normal that a guy asked her about her credit score and credit limit. Yeah, not normal. —Josey Miller, iVillage’s Sex on My Desk

DON’T talk about your ex.


No good can come of this! You’ll seem either bitter, heartless or still hung-up—and any one of these is a huge turnoff. —Em and Lo, Daily Bedpost

No, really, DON’T talk about your ex.


“Hypotheticals” that start with “would you” or “can you believe” are transparent and indicate that your head is somewhere else. So DON’T ask your date, “Would you ever, I mean ever, skip someone’s cousin’s wedding to go to some Final Four game?” —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish

DO discuss issues that are important to you.


Why wait to find out that the two of you don’t see eye to eye on something you feel passionately about? The Frisky

DON’T talk about sex.


Unless you’re planning on having sex on the first date, in which case you should definitely talk about your sexual history. But if not, it’s nice to leave a little something to the imagination—and to save something for the second date. —Em and Lo, Daily Bedpost

DON’T let him take you to a second location if you don’t like him.


Too often, I politely follow the guy to another bar, and another, when really I just want to go home and read. It’s better for both of you if you just speak up. —Erin Meanley, Single-ish

DON’T try to add him as a Facebook friend after the first date.


It will just freak him out and make him feel like you’re trying to snoop on him (which of course you are…but that’s what Google is for!). —Em and Lo, Daily Bedpost

DO break the dating rules.


If you want to call him, call—he’ll appreciate it. If you want to make the first move, do it—why not! DearSugar


How To Die

Here are 10 suggestions on how to die. You can file these away until you need them.

1. Get things in order. Things you don’t want people to see? Destroy them. Things you want people to have? Give them away. (“Let the season of giving be yours and not that of your inheritors” — Gibran, The Prophet.) Pay debts. Make notes of what you’ve done. Make it easy for whomever you choose to take care of things after.

2. Make a will. Of things that weren’t given away, decide who gets what. Put it in writing. Make it legal. Choose an executor. Do you want to be cremated or buried? Decide what kind of funeral — if any — you want. Bette Davis said, “I don’t want donations made to any charities
in my name. I want lots and lots of flowers!” If that’s how you feel about it, say so. In writing. And don’t forget to make it a “living will” if you don’t want extraordinary medical measures used to prolong your life.

3. Say goodbye. Goodbyes don’t all have to take place on your deathbed. You can say goodbye to people, and then see them every day for the next 50 years. Tell people what you would want them to know if you never saw them again. Give them the opportunity to do the same. Usually, it boils down to simply, “I love you.”

4. Don’t spend time with people you don’t want to spend time with. When people hear someone is dying, they all want to make a pilgrimage. Many of these people you haven’t seen in years and, if you lived another hundred years, would probably never see again. Say goodbye on the phone. Tell them you’re just not up to a visit. You don’t owe anyone anything.

5. Spend time alone. Reflect on your life. Make peace with it. Come to terms with it. Forgive yourself for everything. Learn what you can from what has happened, and let the rest go. Mourn the loss of your life. Come to a place of understanding and acceptance. You may be surprised how quickly you get there.

6. Enjoy yourself. Make a wish of all the movies you want to see or see again. Rent them. Watch them. Read the books you never got around to. Listen to your favorite music.

7. Relax. Sleep. Do nothing. Lie around. Recline. Goof off.

8. Pray. Listen. It is said people are closest to God at birth and at death. If you missed God the first time around, catch the deity on the return. Whatever inspirational or spiritual beliefs you hold dear, hold them even closer. You are being held close, too.

9. Enjoy each moment. Appreciate what is here and now. That is where eternity is found. You may only have a few here-and-now moments, but it’s a few more than most people will ever have.

10. When it’s time to go, go. Let go. Say one last goodbye and mean it. Say goodbye so completely that you’ll never want to come back, you’ll never even look back. All the good you take with you. The rest is goodbye and moving on.

Do most of these sound more like suggestions for living than for dying? That’s because they are. The best way to die is to live each moment fully. Then, when the time for death comes — be it next week or 50 years from now — it’s just another event in an already eventful life.